Getting back on the horse! What to do when the relationship fails.

Most of us Aussies would have heard the established advice about “getting back on the horse”, however for those who haven't I’ll explain.

If someone is riding a horse and falls off, they tell them to get straight back on again. Because the longer you wait before trying again, the more scared you get. It’s all about facing your fears and getting over failures as quickly as possible.

Now, we haven’t gone all equine on you! I have no interest in horses. What I’m talking about is relationship failures and how to deal with them, very specifically for Australian Filipina couples. At Down Under Visa, Australian partner visas are our business and some of the relationships of our clients break up along the way and of course they tell us.

Failures happen! Relationship breakups happen. Hearts get broken. Dreams are shattered. The ancient clichés about all Filipina ladies being universally compatible with all men is just that….a sad cliché. Relationships with Filipinas are not immune to the problems that happen when you choose the wrong person. If you’re not compatible, you will either break up or you will remain together and live an unfulfilled life. In my view? Breakups are often/generally a good thing!

I had *cough* several failed relationships prior to meeting Mila. They were painful at the time, and they cost me my time and my money. But I’m extremely grateful that they ended, and I’m grateful that I learned some valuable lessons about what I really needed. Breakups are only a waste if you don’t learn something, and I learned a lot! I learned enough that when I met Mila I knew very quickly that she was the one.

So, are you a sad loser because it didn’t work out? Do you need to hang your head in shame and feel embarrassed? Definitely not! You didn’t just meekly allow yourself to be dragged into something that was less than it should be, and ended up living in a bland relationship where you merely tolerate each other until your dying day. Marriage can be the making of a man (and the making of a woman) when you meet that person who has exactly what you need, and where you do the same for them. Why settle for less?

So, what are Jeff’s pearls of wisdom for you?

Just as I started off with. Get back on the horse as quickly as you can! Don’t mope around. Don’t grieve. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, and definitely don’t write off all ladies from the Philippines just because you met one who wasn’t right for you (or maybe wasn’t right for anyone!). There are some truly beautiful human beings in this country, and many an Australian man finds the woman of his dreams here. I know I did!

I’ll finish by telling you what Mila’s first impression of me was, given that I wrote to her literally the day after my previous relationship broke up. As well as liking what she read in my letter (yes, back in the pen-to-paper days), she also felt that here was a lonely man who sat and wrote her a 5 page letter on new years eve! Never underestimate the value of appearing just that little bit pathetic. It certainly helped me catch a kind woman!