Further advice for Australian Filipina couples on what to expect after the Australian partner visa has been granted and your Filipina lady has moved from the Philippines and has settled in Australia.
Food
I’ll be blunt here. I’m not a big fan of Filipino food. Not only is it (in my opinion*) some of the least exciting of Asian cuisine, the way that many eat is not overly healthy or balanced. Taste is highly subjective, of course.
*And before anyone reacts and gets all defensive, I DID say it’s my opinion only to which I am entitled. Please don’t send angry comments if you disagree with me as many of you probably will.
Healthiness? Even Filipino nutritionists say that one cup of rice a day is the upper limit, yet most consume a small mountain of it. And the Government has run campaigns trying to encourage Filipinos to eat vegetables. Most Filipino diets consist of excessive rice intake, little to no vegetables, and small quantities of fried and fatty meat. And to that add a high intake of junk food.
So now that I’ve alienated a few people…..
Strongly suggest that you both talk about this, and reach a compromise. You will both need to adjust the way you eat and the way you do things. Give and take, as I said before. Not all Filipino food, and not all “Aussie food”. Try to come up with a balance between what you both like to eat and what is healthy for you and your current or future kids.
The other issue is that she has come to live in Australia, and she will need to adjust more than the Aussie sponsor will for the simple fact that the country won’t change to suit her. I can remember a friend we had years ago, whom Mila knew from Hong Kong in her OFW days. Married an Aussie chap. Couldn’t eat a meal without rice! Didn’t like this…..didn’t like that. Couldn’t even manage the local bread! Only liked pandesal (those little sugary bread buns you get in Philippines). It meant she couldn’t go anywhere, and I’m sure that they would have found an ever-decreasing social circle if friends needed to be pre-warned to make sure there was a fresh rice pot there before she arrived. Get what I mean?
Language
Fortunately all Filipinos speak a certain amount of English. It’s not their first language, and obviously not their language of choice. But they do understand it, which is a great relief.
However, I will tell you……and every Filipina who’s ever met an Aussie will tell you……that it’s NOT the language which is a barrier. It’s our accents and our mumbling! And it’s our colloquial expressions. For example:
“Darling? This is my best friend Dave. Dave? This is Marilou!”
“Ohhhhhh, g’day Marilou. Finally met’cha! Phil’s been goin’ on about’cha fer ages now. Hope ya settlin’ in alright, eh? So ‘ow ya likin’ the place? Bit diff’rent to what’cha used to I s’pose?”
Dave and his wife will spend the rest of the evening wondering why Marilou doesn’t say anything! It’s because she barely understands anything that anybody says! And add to this if Dave’s wife is one of those femonazi-racists, she will believe that Marilou’s silence is proof of a timid and male-dominated personality!
Any great solution to this? Mainly just make sure she gets around and mixes. Hanging around only Filipinos and getting the Filipino Channel on the TV won’t help her to assimilate. It has nothing to do with any perception of English language superiority. I’ve always thought it was a silly language, and as an Australian I’ve been destroying the English language since I was a kid. But fact is it is the language of Australia, and Marilou needs to get used to it. She will only get used to it by constant exposure to it.
And please encourage her to TELL you when she doesn’t understand you (or your kids, or your friends, etc) so she doesn’t feel isolated. It’s all about being able to effectively communicate and to ensure that both you and she understand each other and that she understands what’s going on around her.
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Provided my wife can locate Ox tongue and Pata , I will be happy. Thankfully she has very good English, and so do the relatives, however they all cry “Nose Bleed” when I talk.
And about swallowing your words?
Only good thing about Philippines cuisine is halo halo
Always wondered what the fuss was about that stuff, David. Leche flan is good. Cassava cake is really good. Bicol Express is really good, especially if you like it spicy. Crispy pata is probably very unhealthy, but…..
Yes, ‘nose bleed’, lol. A teacher said the same thing to me and then encouraged me to keep trying.
Very true myself and Riza have had our problems understanding each other on certain thing which we have said, Riza answers me with a big WHAT !!! lol then I know I have too rephrase what I have just said so she know what’s the right meaning I have just said. Hope this makes sense lol. Cheers.
You’ll get there, Brett. Early days. Learning curve for both of you. 🙂
I’m really lucky. I’d say my wife only eats rice a couple of times a week. She likes devon, spaghetti bolognase, lamb chops, roast pork and makes a killer pancit that all of our friends love. Fish and vegetables is a bit of a favourite too! She can’t understand my brothers talk but sometimes I can’t either! Overall, the transition has been relatively easy. She just took a while to seeing empty restaurants everywhere, shops closing early and paying everything online!
Mila ended up better at understanding Jeremy better than I could. Must say he’s improved lately.
Not exactly on topic, but there are better words/phrasing than ‘feminazi racists’ that could be used to describe the people that have behaved poorly in the name of feminism. ‘Feminazi’ perpetuates an unfortunate and harmful stereotype in relation to what is actually a pretty important cause. Cheers!
Rachel, maybe read the earlier BLOG article on the same topic at https://www.downundervisa.com/2015/06/05/after-the-visa-part-two-culture-shock-filipinas-in-australia/ and you will see my choice of words in the full context. I’m referring to those who disguise their own just-scratch-the-surface racism and sense of white superiority with womens rights, and assuming that a different culture and a differing approach to relationships that another culture brings must somehow be signs of a weak and subservient nature.
I had women over the years tell me things like “I didn’t think you would want a women with a weak personality?” or “……but Asian women are trained from birth to believe their sole purpose is to serve men“, and down to the stuff about “buying a wife so she can escape poverty”. I put up with people saying to me (while Mila was right next to me) “doesn’t she speak good English?“, to which I’d say “Yes, that happens when someone studies English at a tertiary level“. I lost friends who couldn’t stop trying to “save” her every time she made me a cup of coffee, by giving her a lecture in babytalk about how we’re all equal in Australia (complete with saying “EEEQUAL, Mila. EEEEQUAL!“)
I was married years before to a French woman, who had poorer English to start with. Never saw anything even vaguely like the nonsense we endured.
Aussie society has come a long way since the days when my grandmother would tell me that Grandpop wouldn’t let her touch the stereo, and she would tell us this. This is not what I’m talking about. I’m purely referring to those who haven’t mentally moved beyond the Great White Father superiority complex that they grew up with, yet hide it behind the another veil. These ARE femonazis.
I only encountered one adverse comment from a male, to the effect I should keep her at home in the kitchen. I almost choked with rage.
As far as language goes, Cynthia is better versed in correct grammar than I. When she was here in Australia for a couple of months, the difficulties she encountered were that we speak rapidly, slur or mumble our words and we use slang to such a degree, we do not realise we use it. As such, when asked to explain what we said, we have trouble doing so without recourse to more slang, thus compounding the misunderstanding. She was good with one on one conversations, however, had some difficulty when there were a group of people speaking.
And the rice business. I did not realise this until her second day in Australia when she literally began experiencing a ‘rice withdrawal’ because she had not eaten it for two days. So after that, Cynthia ate some every day. She did not like our oranges or apples because they were ‘sour’ and did not particularly like our Cavendish bananas. When I was last in the Philippines, I tried all the fruits and had to agree they are superior there. And I love the Filipino fresh bread. However, she loved the way I cooked some of the Australian meats so I am confident we will adjust.
Had to laugh at the little controversy from the ‘feminazi’ comment and was not surprised you were chastised. I had always considered myself a feminist until I began work in the QLD Public Service and I discovered what EEO was really all about. Then, during my uni course I was required to read at length and write about the feminist movement. I admit I have changed my mind considerably and believe we should have a mens’-lib movement. The thing about the feminists is that all the different factions despise each other, just as much as they despise men. Go figure and really, laugh out loud and long (lolal).